Monday, September 29, 2003
WORST PICK UP LINES EVER
Setting:Thursday afternoon at strip mall on Baseline and McClintock.
Characters: A)Warm Friendly Girl, just got off work, shopping for a birthday card and gift for friend. (me); B) Clean-cut- "GAP" Dressed Guy- Latin looking. Nice car. Face looks like he just barely missed "handsome."
Time: 5:30 in the afternoon. Setting sun.
As the scene opens, WFG is leaving Hallmark store, headed to her car. She opens the car door and begins to drive out of the lot. Before she drives away, "GAP" Man drives up in a nice looking silver-ish car, and flags her down frantically.
WFG: (partially rolls down windows and secures car locks) Yes? Is there something I can help you with?
GAP: Oh hey, yeah (approaches car door) I was wondering if you knew where the Blockbuster was? I was supposed to meet my friend there this evening.
WFG: (shielding eyes from the sun) Uhm...there's no Blockbuster on this street.
GAP:(seemingly sincere) Oh...well do you know how to get to Rural and Baseline? I need to find this Blockbuster....
WFG: (thinks something is up) There's no Blockbuster on either of those streets, and furthermore, they run parallel to each other.
GAP: (disappointed) Oh...that's too bad. I just must be lost. You're really pretty.
WFG: (rolls eyes, and prepares to drive off)
GAP: (innocently) What? Is that wrong for me to say?
WFG: (defensively) Well, I just got off work and I look terrible. It seems odd for you to say that.
GAP: So where do you work?
WFG: (impatient- but not wanting to be rude) Well, right now I work at a funeral home, but I'm getting my Master's at ASU.
GAP: Oh wow...I'm going to get my Master's there, too- what are you studying?
WFG: Curriculum and Instruction with a Secondary Ed. emphasis.
GAP: No way! That's cool! I teach 7th and 8th graders right now.
WFG: (curious) Oh yeah? What subject?
GAP: English.
WFG: Hey, that's what I teach.
GAP: So what's the craziest thing you've ever done?
WFG: (apalled) Huh? That was random.
GAP: Well? Are you afraid to tell me? Just tell me? Aren't you wild?
WFG: Are you trying to sell me something? I don't understand the question.
GAP: So you're not wild, are you?
WFG: I think I'm spontaneous, I guess. What are you trying to sell me?
GAP: So what kind of underwear do you wear?
WFG angrily rolls up window, drives off center stage with a vengeance, and thinks about crashing into his car.
End scene.
*Note: a few months later, I saw this man at ASU, in my department, filling out an application for the Master's program. When I pointed him out to my boss I was asked to fill out a report on him that would go in his permanent record. Neener neener neener. Be careful what you do.
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** Today's sorry pick up line:
Setting: Strip mall on the corner of Tatum and Cactus, outside "Michael's"
Characters: WFG and Creepy Man in white car.
Time: Noon
(As the scene opens we observe WFG getting out of her car, about to walk into the store. CM has just driven by, spotted her in his peripheral vision, and begun to reverse his car- ostensibly to speak with WFG)
CM: Hey, do you know the way to ...uh....(scratches head)...
WFG: Are you lost?
CM: Yeah- do you know the way to...well...uh...anywhere?
WFG:To anywhere? No.
CM: Oh...man....do you live around here?
WFG: Nope. (exists stage left)
CM drives away.
End scene.
Setting:Thursday afternoon at strip mall on Baseline and McClintock.
Characters: A)Warm Friendly Girl, just got off work, shopping for a birthday card and gift for friend. (me); B) Clean-cut- "GAP" Dressed Guy- Latin looking. Nice car. Face looks like he just barely missed "handsome."
Time: 5:30 in the afternoon. Setting sun.
As the scene opens, WFG is leaving Hallmark store, headed to her car. She opens the car door and begins to drive out of the lot. Before she drives away, "GAP" Man drives up in a nice looking silver-ish car, and flags her down frantically.
WFG: (partially rolls down windows and secures car locks) Yes? Is there something I can help you with?
GAP: Oh hey, yeah (approaches car door) I was wondering if you knew where the Blockbuster was? I was supposed to meet my friend there this evening.
WFG: (shielding eyes from the sun) Uhm...there's no Blockbuster on this street.
GAP:(seemingly sincere) Oh...well do you know how to get to Rural and Baseline? I need to find this Blockbuster....
WFG: (thinks something is up) There's no Blockbuster on either of those streets, and furthermore, they run parallel to each other.
GAP: (disappointed) Oh...that's too bad. I just must be lost. You're really pretty.
WFG: (rolls eyes, and prepares to drive off)
GAP: (innocently) What? Is that wrong for me to say?
WFG: (defensively) Well, I just got off work and I look terrible. It seems odd for you to say that.
GAP: So where do you work?
WFG: (impatient- but not wanting to be rude) Well, right now I work at a funeral home, but I'm getting my Master's at ASU.
GAP: Oh wow...I'm going to get my Master's there, too- what are you studying?
WFG: Curriculum and Instruction with a Secondary Ed. emphasis.
GAP: No way! That's cool! I teach 7th and 8th graders right now.
WFG: (curious) Oh yeah? What subject?
GAP: English.
WFG: Hey, that's what I teach.
GAP: So what's the craziest thing you've ever done?
WFG: (apalled) Huh? That was random.
GAP: Well? Are you afraid to tell me? Just tell me? Aren't you wild?
WFG: Are you trying to sell me something? I don't understand the question.
GAP: So you're not wild, are you?
WFG: I think I'm spontaneous, I guess. What are you trying to sell me?
GAP: So what kind of underwear do you wear?
WFG angrily rolls up window, drives off center stage with a vengeance, and thinks about crashing into his car.
End scene.
*Note: a few months later, I saw this man at ASU, in my department, filling out an application for the Master's program. When I pointed him out to my boss I was asked to fill out a report on him that would go in his permanent record. Neener neener neener. Be careful what you do.
---------------------------------------
** Today's sorry pick up line:
Setting: Strip mall on the corner of Tatum and Cactus, outside "Michael's"
Characters: WFG and Creepy Man in white car.
Time: Noon
(As the scene opens we observe WFG getting out of her car, about to walk into the store. CM has just driven by, spotted her in his peripheral vision, and begun to reverse his car- ostensibly to speak with WFG)
CM: Hey, do you know the way to ...uh....(scratches head)...
WFG: Are you lost?
CM: Yeah- do you know the way to...well...uh...anywhere?
WFG:To anywhere? No.
CM: Oh...man....do you live around here?
WFG: Nope. (exists stage left)
CM drives away.
End scene.
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